A child for a special need

After yesterday's news you can imagine that my colleague's decision to die is what has been on my mind all day. I went to work not feeling much. We had the company's psychologist there to talk to us if we needed it. She came up to me to ask how I was dealing with the news and what I was planning to tell the children. I told her that at the moment I wasn't able to grief because I had too many questions floating about, and I hadn't thought about what to tell the children either. I told her I would come up with something and let her know. While I was talking to the psychologist the team coordinator was listening and she told me that eventually I would be able to mourn. She also asked me if I was Catholic and told me that she was sensing a bit of anger coming from me. I told her that I figured I would be feeling some kind of emotion eventually, that I wasn't Catholic but that I was indeed a Christian and that this obviously has a lot to do with the way I feel. I explained a bit more and they wanted to know what questions I had and suggested I write them down and talk about it. It wasn't the right time to talk about any of this so we agreed that I would get back to them whenever I was ready to talk and so on. Something that I thought was great was that the team coordinator told me that she was really interested in knowing what I was thinking, because a lot of what I said were things she hadn't thought about before.... o_0


Anyway, then my boss came and we had a meeting and she also wanted to know how I felt and also asked if I was angry. I told her that I wasn't, that I just didn't understand. Then she started to cry and tried to have me see how this is the way it should go. All of a sudden I started to feel angry. I was so angry hot tears started to flow down my cheeks and I was just angry and sad. I decided to stay outside and cry it out before going back in the classroom. It was almost time for the kids to go home so I came in to get the kids ready to leave. The parents came and left with the kids... all except one, one of my special needs kids with behavioral problems. For some reason this child's parents were late, and as they weren't coming he decided to get up, run down the hall towards the entrance and hide behind the curtains. I went after him, got him out from behind the curtain and as I was holding his arm he pulled himself away and slapped my leg. I was already angry so it didn't take much to make me lose my temper. I got down, looked at him and told him that that wasn't a good choice. He knew that hitting meant getting a time-out. Anyway, after a short time-out he told me that he was sorry for hitting me, and I helped him put on his coat. We went out to the hall and sat down to wait for his parents. I didn't sit next to him as I usually do but across from him. He asked me why I was sitting there and I told him that it was because the chair was bigger. I wasn't really looking at him, but just sitting there waiting and thinking and he said, "Miss Meira, (he can't say my name) why are you sad?" So I said, (still not looking at him) "Well, sometimes things happen that make us sad." Then he said "Miss Meira, you should go home and sleep in your bed." Then it hit me that here I was getting advice from a little special needs 4 year old boy. So I looked at him and asked him how he knew that I was sad. Could he tell or did somebody tell him that I was sad? He said "Oh, I can even see it." He told me that that's what he does and it would make me feel better. My heart just started to melt right then, and his father walked in and took him away. My eyes were a bit swollen, but that's how they look when I'm tired; I had just given him a time-out and I was crossed, but yet he didn't ask why I was tired, or why I was angry, but why I was sad. And his advice is really the best advice I got today. They are indeed children for special needs. First thing I'll do tomorrow is give him a big hug and thank him for his advice. No wonder Jesus said that the kingdom of heaven belongs to those such as these. Mat. 19:14. I didn't sleep when I got home, I will do that now, but I have thought some more about the whole thing. I've searched scripture and it seems very clear to me that this is just not right, and it makes me think about Job. About his suffering, pain, loss... about his wife, and about how she seems to have been the kind of person that would also agree with "mercy-killing", because of the pain she saw her husband go through. But I will end this with Job's words which say it all. Please pray for my colleague if you read this.

So Satan went out from the presence of the LORD, and struck Job with painful boils from the sole of his foot to the crown of his head. And he took for himself a potsherd with which to scrape himself while he sat in the midst of the ashes. Then his wife said to him, "Do you still hold fast to your integrity? Curse God and die!" But he said to her, "You speak as one of the foolish women speaks. Shall we indeed accept good from God, and shall we not accept adversity?"
In all this Job did not sin with his lips.
- Job 2:7-10