This morning at work the school psychologist came up to me to ask how I was doing and how my weekend was. I told her that I was feeling very good, that I got a message from Vicky and that I felt peace in my heart. I was able to share with Vicky and tell her what was on my mind and the fact that she responded means a lot to me. Everybody else seems to have had a very difficult day because today could have been "the day". I don't know at this point, and maybe we won't know tomorrow either, but I think by Wednesday we will know what happened. She also told me that I really had to talk to the kids this morning about what was happening. I really didn't feel like doing it. There were also 4 way more experienced professionals at school that also know the kids and I thought they should be the ones to do it, but as none of them wanted to I went ahead and talked to the kids during Circle-time. I had been praying about how to talk to them about all this. Anyway, I think it went well and the other teachers also said that it had gone well. I have a 'tree' in my class and I also have some birds with the names of the children and leaves with the names of the teachers on them, and whenever we have Circle-time the kids can come up and put their names on the tree. We still have Vicky's name on a leaf, so I took it out today and I showed it to them and stuck it on the tree. Some recognized Vicky's name, and they commented on how she hadn't been at school, and I explained that she was very very sick and wouldn't be coming back to school. One of the little boys said he would make her some juice... Apple juice to make her feel better. So, I told them that indeed when we are sick sometimes our mommies and daddies do make us juice or soup to make us feel better, but sometimes people are so sick, like Vicky, that Apple juice just doesn't help so much anymore and they can't come to school anymore. So, I took Vicky's name and showed them how just like the trees outside loose their leaves so too, Vicky's name (leaf) was going to fall off the tree, and I put her on the ground for now. They seem to have understood that being on the tree means that you are in the classroom, and Vicky being on the floor means that she won't be coming to class anymore, eventhough we can still see her name and know who she is. I didn't really plan any of this but what my colleagues want now is for us to put up some clouds over the tree and a rainbow and once we know that Vicky has passed away we can put her name up there in 'heaven'. I find it interesting that they suggested this as none of them are believers of... anything it seems, but if there is a great thing about all this it's that we are able to share how we experience things and I can share about how having faith does help us cope. One thing that has helped me in particular is that though we are all saved by grace through faith in Jesus, we are all unique and things are going to work out differently in each of us. One story that has been on my mind is that of the criminal on the cross next to Jesus. He might have never seen Jesus before and perhaps had never heard about Him, but yet while being there close to Jesus he understood that he was getting the punishment he deserved for his deeds, but Jesus had done nothing wrong and was still willing to die. The story is in Luke 23, so you can check it out if you want, but what touches me is how open Jesus is, how there are no but's. The guy said, "Jesus, remember me when you are in your kingdom", but Jesus didn't say... "Well listen, first you must become a member of our fellowship and buy our Heavenly Team t-shirt. Or, "First you have to send in an application, and once you are accepted you must learn all the commandments by heart and share with at least 20 people. Mind you there is a waiting list." He didn't say..."I understand you want to, but remember what you did that one time on this and that day? We could maybe get you into paradise, but you really messed up back then... I don' t know man, I'll have to talk to my Dad first." What did Jesus say?
"And he said unto Jesus, Lord, remember me when thou comest into thy kingdom. And Jesus said unto him, Verily I say unto thee, Today shalt thou be with me in paradise." - Luke 23:42-43
I don't know about you, but that really touches my heart. To think that Jesus already loves us no matter what, that He already desires to be with us eternally even when we haven't even thought about it before, and he accepts us as we come. All we have to do is reach out to Him... that's all.